Tag: Sam Vaknin

Sudden Insight, Psychopathic Narcissists & Why Narcissists Manipulate Their Children | LIVE Q&A

The speaker discussed how sudden emergence of memories and insights can be destabilizing and must be handled carefully in therapy to avoid overwhelming or retraumatizing patients, noting shifts away from debriefing to safer, structured approaches. He distinguished narcissism from psychopathy, explaining that goal-oriented, power-seeking, fearless individuals who pursue money and status are more characteristic of primary psychopathy than narcissistic personality disorder. He described narcissists as emotionally shallow and manipulative, using simulated closeness to extract narcissistic supply and treating children instrumentally, praising younger children while coercively controlling older ones who resist. Sudden Insight, Psychopathic Narcissists & Why Narcissists Manipulate Their Children | LIVE Q&A

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When Narcissist is Also Codependent: Inverted Narcissist Compilation (Odd Couple Series)

The meeting discussed the concept of inverted narcissism — a covert, codependent subtype of narcissistic personality that derives narcissistic supply vicariously through an overt grandiose partner, characterized by self-effacement, extreme envy, masochistic tendencies, and a willingness to merge with the partner. Developmental roots, diagnostic criteria, differences from related constructs like echoism and borderline/codependent presentations, and relationship dynamics between inverted and overt narcissists were reviewed through expert commentary and personal correspondences. The speaker emphasized the clinical implications, potential stability of such symbiotic relationships, and the challenges in diagnosis and treatment due to variability and overlap with other disorders. When Narcissist is Also Codependent: Inverted Narcissist Compilation (Odd Couple Series)

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How Narcissist Baits You to Become His/her Mother (Skopje Seminar Day 2 Opening, May 2025)

The speaker reviewed multiple models of narcissism—sociosexuality, the agency model, and the dominant psychodynamic/psychonamic synthesis—highlighting core traits such as grandiosity, entitlement, approach orientation, compulsivity, and repetition compulsion. He explained developmental origins (early childhood abuse or over-spoiling), introduced the “shared fantasy” mechanism and its staged dynamics (spotting, auditioning, baiting, co-idealization, love-bombing, the hall-of-mirrors, the dual-mothership bond, and eventual devaluation) that produce intense, co-dependent mother–child style attachments. The talk emphasized narcissistic relationships as compulsive reenactments that test and abuse partners to confirm ‘motherhood,’ leading to profound grief on separation and limited capacity for learning or lasting individuation. How Narcissist Baits You to Become His/her Mother (Skopje Seminar Day 2 Opening, May 2025)

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Narcissistic Abuse: Phase 2 (Live Questions by Mark Thomas Beare, MPIT originator)

Speaker addressed a deleted live session where YouTube removed over 1,400 questions, explaining they will respond to reinstated questions from Mark Thomas Beare about flaws in the narcissistic abuse recovery field. Main points: the field is dominated by a victimhood morality play and oversimplified, aggrandizing content; real recovery is complex, requiring restoration of agency, stable boundaries, introspection, and abandonment of victimhood. The speaker offered numerous observable signs of genuine recovery (e.g., no internalized abuser voices, restored reality testing, autonomous motivation, healthy relationships) and warned against quick-fix advice and unqualified self-styled experts. Narcissistic Abuse: Phase 2 (Live Questions by Mark Thomas Beare, MPIT originator)

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Sadistic Honesty or Truthtelling?

Sam Vaknin distinguishes constructive truthtelling from sadistic honesty, arguing that honesty becomes harmful when it targets others’ vulnerabilities, is performed publicly to humiliate, or is used for self-aggrandizement. He emphasizes that honest feedback in private aims at growth and should be delivered with humility and empathy. True honesty accepts human imperfection and requires self-reflection rather than using truth as a weapon against others. Sadistic Honesty or Truthtelling?

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Many Faces of Narcissist’s Discard

Sambaknim distinguishes between external and internal forms of narcissistic discard: external discard is visible and unequivocal (separation, divorce, infidelity), while internal discard is subtle and hidden, occurring when partners remain together publicly but emotionally disengage. Internal discard manifests as emotional absence, indifference, devaluation, setting impossible standards, paranoia, and undermining the partner—behaviors that erode the relationship from within and are difficult for outsiders to detect. Pathological narcissism favors internal discard because it relies on falsity and performative appearances, making the harm covert, passive-aggressive, and persistent rather than overt separation. Many Faces of Narcissist’s Discard

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Narcissist’s False Self: Sublime or Sublimation?

Sand Baknne linked the false self in narcissistic pathology to the concept of sublimation, arguing the false self functions as a sublimatory channel that redirects traumatic, aggressive, and depressive energies into socially acceptable, exaggerated goals. He contrasted Freud’s and Lacan’s conceptions of sublimation, emphasizing its narcissistic focus—where individuals internalize societal norms not out of morality but to maximize personal benefit—and argued the false self is a phase transition that bypasses formation of a true, integrated self. The false self thus appears as a pro-social mask and coping strategy that preserves surface normality while impairing reality testing, driving manipulative behaviors and grandiosity. Narcissist’s False Self: Sublime or Sublimation?

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Why Delulu Narcissists, Delusional Victims Bond (Delusional Resonance Bonding)

Sam Vaknin introduces ‘delusional resonance’ as a process distinct from trauma bonding, arguing that both abuser and victim share matching delusions that glue them into a shared fantasy. He outlines several parallel delusions—grandiosity, belief in fantasy as reality, victimhood, entitlement, and perceived immunity—that resonate between narcissist and victim and explain their adhesive, hard-to-break relationship. The shared delusional landscape makes withdrawal difficult because each recognizes and reinforces the other’s distorted narratives, sustaining a symbiotic, inseparable bond. Why Delulu Narcissists, Delusional Victims Bond (Delusional Resonance Bonding)

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Narcissist’s Identity: Shame, Delusional Self-concept (Clip: Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

The discussion described narcissism as an arrested developmental state characterized by infantile defense mechanisms, grandiose cognitive distortions, and a need for control that leads individuals to construct and inhabit a distorted inner reality. Emotional dysregulation in narcissists presents as restricted or inappropriate affect, chronic envy and anger, and a compensatory grandiosity that masks deep self-loathing and a negative identity built through rejection of others. Decompensation occurs as narcissistic injury or mortification, often producing depression and anxiety, and the condition overlaps with borderline and neurotic features rather than fitting neatly into purely psychopathic or joyful self-regard categories. Narcissist’s Identity: Shame, Delusional Self-concept (Clip: Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

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How to Survive Your Borderline Partner (Clip: Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

The meeting advised multiple techniques for supporting a partner with borderline personality traits: teach her to externalize and verbalize emotions (e.g., chair work), use CBT to counteract automatic negative thoughts, and practice anger-management and cognitive restructuring. Establish strict communication protocols, consistent routines, stress-management, and reduce environmental triggers to stabilize mood swings; encourage physical activity, sleep schedules, and incremental transfer of locus of control back to her while rewarding responsible behavior. Do not accept blame for her actions or moods—gently refuse scapegoating, avoid criticism, and help her regain internal responsibility through gradual, kind reinforcement. How to Survive Your Borderline Partner (Clip: Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)

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