Tag: Borderlines

Borderline: Narcissist’s Mirror (and Avoidant Personality Disorder)

Sam Vaknin argues that borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mirror image of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): whereas narcissists defend against the threat of others’ presence by internalizing and “snapshotting” them, borderlines defend against absence by merging and outsourcing psychological functions to others. Although BPD and NPD can appear behaviorally similar—withdrawal, devaluation, cycles of idealization and discard, and comorbidity with avoidant and other personality disorders—their underlying dynamics differ (narcissists seek separation from external objects into internal introjects; borderlines fear abandonment and engulfment, leading to approach-avoidance repetition compulsion). Vaknin also distinguishes avoidant personality disorder as a related but narrower condition characterized mainly by chronic avoidance driven by rejection sensitivity and low self-worth, and illustrates these differences with clinical examples. Borderline: Narcissist’s Mirror (and Avoidant Personality Disorder)

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Why Do You Fall for Narcissist’s “Lies”, “Gaslighting”? (Hindsight Bias, Illusory Truth Effect)

In this video, Sam Vaknin explained that narcissists and borderline individuals often confabulate—unconsciously fabricating memories to fill gaps caused by dissociation—rather than intentionally lying or manipulating like psychopaths. Confabulations serve as a defensive mechanism to maintain a sense of personal identity and continuity, and both the confabulators and their listeners tend to believe these narratives due to cognitive biases such as confirmation bias and the illusory truth effect. The meeting emphasized the crucial distinction between confabulation as a non-malicious coping strategy and deliberate lies or gaslighting used by psychopaths for manipulative purposes. Why Do You Fall for Narcissist’s “Lies”, “Gaslighting”? (Hindsight Bias, Illusory Truth Effect)

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Make Narcissist FEAR YOU: Abandonment Anxiety, Annihilation Dread (Twin Anxieties)

In this video, Sam Vaknin explains the narcissist’s fear of abandonment, highlighting the paradox where narcissists both dread abandonment by their idealized objects yet push others away during the devaluation phase due to their twin anxieties of abandonment and annihilation. He elaborates on how these anxieties influence narcissistic behavior and offers strategies to leverage the abandonment anxiety in the idealization phase through threats of leaving, while using implied power to deter abuse during the devaluation phase. Vaknin emphasizes that understanding these dynamics can help those involved with narcissists manage or mitigate abuse, although his primary recommendation remains to cut contact if possible.

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