Tag: Sam Vaknin

3 Steps to Manipulate a People-pleaser

In the meeting, the speaker explained how people pleasers, often driven by distorted cognitive patterns rooted in childhood parentification, are easily manipulated through clear communication of expectations, intermittent reinforcement of pleasure, and expressions of profound disappointment. People pleasers harbor automatic thoughts such as needing to earn happiness, bribing others for acceptance, and compromising boundaries due to feelings of unworthiness and responsibility for others’ well-being. The discussion also explored the psychological constructs and self-states that sustain people pleasing behavior, emphasizing its role as a coping mechanism rather than a conscious choice.

Read More »

Narcissist: YOUR Colleague, Co-worker, Employee

The speaker discussed the challenges posed by narcissistic employees in hierarchical workplaces, emphasizing their disruptive behaviors such as bullying, conspiracy, subversion, and manipulation to restore their damaged self-image. These employees undermine teamwork, foster toxic corporate cultures through deception, entitlement, and unethical shortcuts, ultimately causing organizational decay and conflict. The speaker strongly advised immediate dismissal of narcissistic employees to prevent widespread contamination and protect the work environment.

Read More »

When YOU Discard the Narcissist FIRST

Sam Vaknin explained the psychological effects on a narcissist when they are discarded by a partner before they have the chance to devalue and discard the other person, highlighting the resulting narcissistic injury or mortification. He detailed the narcissist’s subsequent reactions, including emotional dysregulation, abandonment anxiety, dissociation, and often coercive efforts to restore the shared fantasy through hoovering or replacement relationships. The discussion emphasized the narcissist’s internal struggle with self-image, grief over the lost relationship, and the repetitive cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard with new partners.

Read More »

Covert Narcissist’s Sadistic Envy Fantasy (conference presentation)

The intricate relationship between covert narcissism, malicious envy, and sadistic behavior, emphasizing how covert narcissists harbor a deep wish to destroy those they envy due to feelings of inferiority and rivalry. It highlighted findings from a recent Italian study linking grandiose narcissism, narcissistic rivalry, and malicious envy with sadism, illustrating how these traits drive the desire to inflict pain and regain control. The conversation underscored that sadism in narcissism is fundamentally about power and control, often masked by fantasies and pseudo-morality, with covert narcissists exhibiting particularly pronounced passive-aggressive sadistic tendencies.

Read More »

How Narcissist Betrays YOU to Become Himself (Compilation)

The speaker presents an integrated conceptual framework based on the theory of shared fantasy to explain the complex, contradictory behaviors of narcissists in intimate relationships, detailing stages such as idealization, dual mothership, mental discard, and the challenges associated with discarding internalized images of partners. The framework highlights the narcissist’s struggle with separation anxiety, narcissistic injury, and the cyclical process of devaluation and re-idealization, which ultimately prevent true separation from their partners and perpetuate repetitive harmful dynamics. The only exception occurs when the narcissist undergoes a profound psychological transformation called modification, allowing them to reconstruct their identity and escape this cycle.

Read More »

Push Narcissist’s 4 Secret Buttons (Starts 07:50): “Gamma Man” or Agent of Chaos, Madness?

The speaker analyzed the four secret buttons of narcissists—precocious child, conquering hero, father guru, and divinity—that govern their behavior and interpersonal dynamics, explaining ways to either maintain or dismantle the narcissistic shared fantasy. The discussion emphasized the complexity and spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder, highlighting its pervasive influence on cognition, emotion, and relationships, and introduced the concept of gamma males as a subset related to schizoid cerebral narcissism. The speaker also explored the chaos narcissists bring by forcing constant self-reflection and disruption, underpinning their role as agents of madness and disorder in social interactions.

Read More »

Narcissist: How I Experience My Narcissism (Aware, Never Healed)

The speaker deeply explores the complexities of living with narcissistic personality disorder, describing it as a painful and isolating existence marked by a false self that masks an absent true self. He emphasizes the challenges of achieving genuine self-awareness or healing, noting that narcissism is an entrenched personality structure resistant to change despite intellectual understanding. The talk also highlights the emotional detachment, internal battles, and recurring cycles of despair and grandiosity that define the narcissist’s inner experience.

Read More »