Tag: Sam Vaknin

“Betraying” the Narcissist: Don’t Feel Guilty! (Survivor Guilt)

Discussed the complex emotions of survivor guilt experienced by those who have endured narcissistic abuse, emphasizing the deep sense of betrayal and responsibility survivors feel toward the narcissist, who is likened to a traumatized child trapped in an adult body. It highlighted the destructive nature of the narcissistic relationship as a toxic fantasy, where survivors mistakenly blame themselves for the failure of the relationship, despite the narcissist’s incapacity for genuine love or pain. Ultimately, the meeting encouraged survivors to understand that they are abandoning an illusion and to prioritize their own healing and self-preservation above the destructive dynamic.

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Narcissist: Locus of Grandiosity, Type Fluidity

The discussion focused on the concept of the “locus of grandiosity” in narcissism, explaining that narcissists seek to be perceived as unique through a self-enhancing narrative that varies by individual interests or attributes, rather than uniformly wanting to be the best in all areas. It was emphasized that narcissists exhibit type fluidity, meaning their personality traits and grandiose narratives can shift in response to psychological stress or collapse, transitioning between narcissistic, borderline, and psychopathic states. This fluidity results in an absence of a stable core identity, making narcissists highly inconsistent and difficult to predict, as they continuously generate varying self-defining stories.

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Sam Vaknin Bearing GIFTS! (Links in Description)

Sam Vaknin announced three new resources: a website with full interactive transcripts, a website with text summaries of their videos, and a YouTube channel featuring short video excerpts capturing key ideas. They also shared upcoming face-to-face consultation opportunities in Vienna (paid) and free seminar/lecture opportunities in Paris, encouraging interested parties to contact them via email. All relevant links and contact information are available in the video description for easy access.

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When Covert Borderline Collapses into Malignant Narcissist or Borderline

Introduced the concept of covert borderline, a hybrid personality disorder blending narcissistic and borderline traits, and explored how it collapses into either malignant narcissism following career-related failures or classic borderline behavior after interpersonal relationship breakdowns. It emphasized that traditional diagnostic categories and comorbidities are flawed constructs, advocating for a more nuanced understanding of personality disorders. Additionally, announcements were made regarding upcoming consultations and resources for further learning about covert borderline.

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How to Extinguish Narcissist’s Rage

Sam Vaknin, discusses the nature of malignant narcissistic rage, emphasizing its self-reinforcing, internal origin and disconnect from external reality or fault. He presents two methods to cope with such rage: careful submission that focuses on flattery and amends centered around the narcissist, and mirroring the rage back to a bullying narcissist without escalating to real-life consequences. Caution is stressed, especially with psychopathic narcissists, where mirroring can provoke violence, highlighting the complexity and danger in managing narcissistic rage.

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Not Trauma, Nor Bonding, But Addiction to Intermittent Reinforcement (“Hot and Cold” Mixed Signals)

Sam Vaknin clarified that “trauma bonding” is a misnomer, emphasizing that it is not related to trauma or bonding but is actually an addiction to intermittent reinforcement provided by an abuser’s fluctuating idealization and devaluation. He explained that this process addiction involves craving the abuser’s gaze, which idealizes and devalues the victim, creating a compulsive behavioral pattern similar to substance addiction. The discussion also defined key terms such as addiction, bonding, trauma, and intermittent reinforcement to highlight that trauma bonding is best understood as a behavioral addiction rather than a psychological trauma or genuine attachment.

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Our Borderline, Narcissistic Civilization

The meeting discussed how modern postmodern civilization exhibits core features of pathological narcissism and borderline personality disorder, characterized by fluidity, purility (adolescent-like behavior), and ahistoricity (rejection of the past). These traits lead to widespread identity diffusion, where individuals lack stable, cohesive identities and experience alienation from themselves and society. The prevailing cultural values glorify constant reinvention and rejection of commitment, resulting in a collective identity crisis that contributes to mental illness within contemporary society. Narcissistic Civilization

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Prosocial Sadistic Narcissist: Unforgiving, Harsh “Tough Love”

In this meeting, Samvaknin discusses the nature of pro-social or communal narcissists, describing them as deeply dependent on others for internal regulation despite their grandiose self-image. He explains that these sadistic narcissist resolve the conflict between their superiority complex and reliance on others by adopting roles as moral guardians or champions of collective causes, which justifies their demanding and punitive behavior. This external narrative serves as a false self that masks their internal feelings of inadequacy and is likened to a form of psychosis due to their expansive, consuming egocentric worldview.

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