Tag: Discard

Make Narcissist FEAR YOU: Abandonment Anxiety, Annihilation Dread (Twin Anxieties)

In this video, Sam Vaknin explains the narcissist’s fear of abandonment, highlighting the paradox where narcissists both dread abandonment by their idealized objects yet push others away during the devaluation phase due to their twin anxieties of abandonment and annihilation. He elaborates on how these anxieties influence narcissistic behavior and offers strategies to leverage the abandonment anxiety in the idealization phase through threats of leaving, while using implied power to deter abuse during the devaluation phase. Vaknin emphasizes that understanding these dynamics can help those involved with narcissists manage or mitigate abuse, although his primary recommendation remains to cut contact if possible.

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SECRET Reason Narcissist Devalues, Discards YOU

The speaker explores the complex behaviors of narcissists, particularly their tendencies to devalue, discard, and replace partners as a reenactment of unresolved childhood conflicts with their mothers. They explain how narcissists manipulate their partners mentally by internalizing and controlling their inner critic and ego functions, leading to emotional abuse that is more about the narcissist’s internal struggles than the victim. The discussion concludes by connecting the rise of narcissism to broader societal shifts from agricultural to urban living, and predicts even more adverse psychological effects with the advent of the metaverse and virtual realities.

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When YOU Discard the Narcissist FIRST

Sam Vaknin explained the psychological effects on a narcissist when they are discarded by a partner before they have the chance to devalue and discard the other person, highlighting the resulting narcissistic injury or mortification. He detailed the narcissist’s subsequent reactions, including emotional dysregulation, abandonment anxiety, dissociation, and often coercive efforts to restore the shared fantasy through hoovering or replacement relationships. The discussion emphasized the narcissist’s internal struggle with self-image, grief over the lost relationship, and the repetitive cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard with new partners.

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