Self-states: State-dependent, Not Trait-dependent
1. Nature of Self States Self states are transient and reactive to environmental changes, not permanent or hereditary. They respond adaptively to changing circumstances, new
26.07.2025
1. Nature of Self States Self states are transient and reactive to environmental changes, not permanent or hereditary. They respond adaptively to changing circumstances, new
The speaker explained that narcissists harbor profound contempt toward others as a projection of their own shame, which stems from a deep-rooted sense of helplessness caused by trauma and abuse. This contempt allows narcissists to avoid embracing shame, thereby maintaining a false sense of moral and intellectual superiority while remaining stuck in a victim mentality. Additionally, the speaker differentiated contempt from grandiosity in narcissism, highlighting that grandiosity can be motivational and linked to uniqueness, whereas contempt is an attitudinal defense mechanism projecting perceived inferiority onto others.
The discussion focused on somatization and its connection to psychological trauma, particularly narcissistic abuse, explaining how psychological distress can manifest as physical symptoms without an identifiable medical cause. It detailed the evolution of related diagnoses from somatization disorder and conversion disorder to somatic symptom disorder and functional neurological symptom disorder, highlighting the psychological roots often dismissed in modern diagnostic manuals. Emphasis was placed on the complexity of these disorders, their impact on victims, and the frequent misinterpretation or invalidation of symptoms by medical professionals.
The speaker highlighted key differences between narcissists and psychopaths, emphasizing how narcissists manipulate external reality to distort a victim’s internal perception, whereas psychopaths manipulate internal realities to distort external perception. Narcissistic abuse often results in profound, lasting trauma that shatters the victim’s identity, requiring extensive psychological reconstruction, while psychopathic abuse typically causes external harm akin to PTSD. The speaker also warned against glorifying powerful narcissists, noting that many are malignant and harmful despite their public image.
In the meeting, the speaker explained how people pleasers, often driven by distorted cognitive patterns rooted in childhood parentification, are easily manipulated through clear communication of expectations, intermittent reinforcement of pleasure, and expressions of profound disappointment. People pleasers harbor automatic thoughts such as needing to earn happiness, bribing others for acceptance, and compromising boundaries due to feelings of unworthiness and responsibility for others’ well-being. The discussion also explored the psychological constructs and self-states that sustain people pleasing behavior, emphasizing its role as a coping mechanism rather than a conscious choice.
Summary: Understanding Communication with Narcissists and Psychopaths 1. Importance of the Motivation Behind Speech Focus should be on why people say things (the motivation/intention behind
Summary on Narcissism, Frustration, Aggression, and Revenge 1. Overview of Narcissist Life Cycle Narcissist is born as a vulnerable infant (“pil pillon CTI”) and often
The speaker discussed the challenges posed by narcissistic employees in hierarchical workplaces, emphasizing their disruptive behaviors such as bullying, conspiracy, subversion, and manipulation to restore their damaged self-image. These employees undermine teamwork, foster toxic corporate cultures through deception, entitlement, and unethical shortcuts, ultimately causing organizational decay and conflict. The speaker strongly advised immediate dismissal of narcissistic employees to prevent widespread contamination and protect the work environment.
Sam Vaknin explained the psychological effects on a narcissist when they are discarded by a partner before they have the chance to devalue and discard the other person, highlighting the resulting narcissistic injury or mortification. He detailed the narcissist’s subsequent reactions, including emotional dysregulation, abandonment anxiety, dissociation, and often coercive efforts to restore the shared fantasy through hoovering or replacement relationships. The discussion emphasized the narcissist’s internal struggle with self-image, grief over the lost relationship, and the repetitive cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard with new partners.
The intricate relationship between covert narcissism, malicious envy, and sadistic behavior, emphasizing how covert narcissists harbor a deep wish to destroy those they envy due to feelings of inferiority and rivalry. It highlighted findings from a recent Italian study linking grandiose narcissism, narcissistic rivalry, and malicious envy with sadism, illustrating how these traits drive the desire to inflict pain and regain control. The conversation underscored that sadism in narcissism is fundamentally about power and control, often masked by fantasies and pseudo-morality, with covert narcissists exhibiting particularly pronounced passive-aggressive sadistic tendencies.