Tag: Relationship

Make Narcissist FEAR YOU: Abandonment Anxiety, Annihilation Dread (Twin Anxieties)

In this video, Sam Vaknin explains the narcissist’s fear of abandonment, highlighting the paradox where narcissists both dread abandonment by their idealized objects yet push others away during the devaluation phase due to their twin anxieties of abandonment and annihilation. He elaborates on how these anxieties influence narcissistic behavior and offers strategies to leverage the abandonment anxiety in the idealization phase through threats of leaving, while using implied power to deter abuse during the devaluation phase. Vaknin emphasizes that understanding these dynamics can help those involved with narcissists manage or mitigate abuse, although his primary recommendation remains to cut contact if possible.

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Narcissist’s “Mother” and Anti-“mother” (Excerpt)

The discussion explored the complex psychological dynamics of narcissists seeking idealized maternal figures, particularly focusing on male heterosexual narcissists’ quest for a flawless, devoted partner to sustain their grandiose fantasies. The narrative described the narcissist’s cyclical pattern of adoring a “mother” figure, rejecting her upon inevitable failure, and then engaging with an “anti-mother” who embodies destructiveness and self-punishment. Ultimately, this cycle perpetuates the narcissist’s pursuit of redemption, absolution, and transcendence through repeated relational patterns.

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10 Signs: YOU are Broken, Damaged, Scarred

Sam Vaknin discusses the psychological patterns and clinical features common among damaged and broken individuals, emphasizing the impacts of trauma, mistrust, emotional detachment, and difficulties with intimacy and boundaries. He highlights defense mechanisms such as hypervigilance, emotional numbness, conflict avoidance, perfectionism, and the harsh inner critic, explaining how these behaviors serve as survival strategies but ultimately hinder healthy relationships. Vaknin encourages therapy and self-awareness to overcome these patterns, promoting the acceptance of inherent self-worth independent of achievements or others’ approval. 10 Signs: YOU are Broken, Damaged, Scarred

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