The speaker describes borderline personality disorder as alternating idealization and devaluation—approach-avoidance cycles fueled by early developmental dynamics that create abandonment anxiety and intermittent reinforcement. Five core processes—object (interject) inconstancy, failure to bond/use of others as comfort objects, identity disturbance, pervasive dissociation, and an internalized “bad object”—drive decompensation and acting-out behaviors (promiscuity, substance abuse, impulsivity) as well as chronic depression and anxiety. Practical advice is to repeatedly reassure with four set statements (“I’m always here for you,” “You will always be dear to me,” “I place boundaries,” “I will accept and respect any decision you make”), while maintaining firm boundaries to reduce escalation. 4 Things to Say to Your Avoidant Borderline (5 Dynamics)