Why Do You Fall for Narcissist’s “Lies”, “Gaslighting”? (Hindsight Bias, Illusory Truth Effect)

1. Introduction to Trust in Narcissists and Borderlines

• The discussion opens with questioning why people trust narcissists and borderlines despite inconsistencies in their narratives. The speaker introduces himself and sets the theme about understanding this behavior [00:00].

2. Differences Between Psychopaths and Narcissists/Borderlines in Lying

• Psychopaths lie with malicious intent and goal orientation to manipulate others.
• Narcissists and borderlines lie, but not malevolently or strategically; their falsehoods are often confabulations to make sense of gaps in memory, rather than intentional deception [00:20].

3. Concept of Confabulation

• Defined as filling memory gaps with fabricated stories believed by the confabulator.
• Confabulations are defensive, meant to restore continuity of identity by bridging dissociative memory gaps and are not lies in the traditional sense.
• The American Psychological Association’s definition confirms confabulation is not typically conscious deception [02:00].

4. Causes and Nature of Confabulation in Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder

• Dissociative memory gaps happen frequently in narcissists and borderlines, sometimes for very brief periods.
• Confabulations are created by extrapolating from past experience to fill missing time in a plausible and logical manner.
• Narcissistic pathology is linked to compensating for feelings of shame or inferiority by creating a grandiose self-image [02:40].

5. Confabulation and Memory Disorders

• Confabulation is common in neurological disorders like Korsakoff’s syndrome and Alzheimer’s disease.
• Eyewitnesses under pressure can also confabulate, demonstrating its broad psychological relevance [05:45].

6. Belief in Confabulations by Narcissists and Borderlines

• They genuinely believe their confabulations to be true, thus promoting their narratives with conviction.
• This belief evokes trust in their listeners, making confabulations convincing [06:55].

7. Psychological and Social Functions of Confabulations

• Confabulations provide comfort by masking painful realities, enabling narcissists and borderlines to maintain a sense of identity and continuity.
• Listeners may adopt these confabulations due to confirmation bias and a desire for comforting narratives, creating a shared alternative reality [08:35].

8. Cognitive Biases Related to Confabulation

• Hindsight bias: Reinterpreting the past based on current knowledge, contributing to rewriting memory in line with current beliefs.
• Illusory truth effect: Repetition of confabulated narratives increases their perceived truthfulness.
• These biases support the persistence and acceptance of confabulations by both the confabulator and others [10:20].

9. Distinction Between Lies, Confabulations, and Gaslighting

• Lies and gaslighting are strategic and manipulative tactics often used by psychopaths.
• Confabulation is not manipulative but a defensive mechanism to make sense of reality.
• Narcissists and borderlines do not intend to manipulate with confabulation; rather, they are invested in their constructed realities [14:45].

10. Implications of Challenging Confabulations

• Challenging a narcissist or borderline’s confabulation may provoke accusations of gaslighting, as they perceive such challenges as attacks on their reality.
• This defensive stance further solidifies their belief in confabulated narratives [16:00].

11. Summary and Final Differentiation

• The speaker clarifies the fundamental differences between the defensive, identity-maintaining confabulations of narcissists/borderlines and the intentional, goal-directed lies and manipulation by psychopaths.
• Understanding this distinction is crucial for accurate psychological interpretation and interaction [17:40].