“When the Narcissist Cries Wolf”

Introduction and Announcements

• The meeting began with a reference to the folktale “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” relating it to narcissists who sometimes face real dangers but are not believed. The speaker, Saknin, introduced himself as an author and professor of psychology. He announced his travel plans for October in Paris and November in Croatia, offering consultations and free seminars with contact information provided. [00:00 – 02:22]

Narcissists and the Discard Phase

• Narcissists often discard people they see as dispensable, but not all those discarded are innocent; many may be toxic individuals such as borderline personalities, psychopaths, or covert narcissists. Narcissists tend to attract damaged or dysfunctional people, and discarding such individuals can be justified. [02:23 – 06:07]

Narcissists as Victims Too

• Contrary to popular belief, narcissists are not always predators. Their grandiose self-concept makes them gullible and susceptible to manipulation, flattery, and victimization by other predators, including malignant narcissists or psychopaths. Their claims of victimhood can thus be legitimate. [06:08 – 09:47]

Emotional Experience of Narcissists

• Narcissists, while incapable of remorse or guilt due to defense mechanisms, do experience intense shame, fear, and emotional dysregulation during narcissistic injury or collapse. This leads to a borderline-like state with overwhelming negative feelings and vulnerability, countering the notion they are always invulnerable or emotionally unaffected. [09:48 – 13:49]

Narcissists and Self-Gaslighting

• Narcissists do not gaslight others as this requires clear differentiation between reality and fantasy, which narcissists lack. Instead, they gaslight themselves by firmly believing their own fantasies, losing reality testing. This self-deception makes them vulnerable to predators and external manipulation, resembling a childlike state of development. [13:50 – 18:22]

The Childlike Nature of Narcissists

• Narcissists are compared to young children or toddlers in their self-centeredness, lack of empathy, aggression, jealousy, enviousness, and living in a fantasy world. This childlike nature explains their vulnerability and inability to meaningfully engage with reality. They are trapped in a self-constructed prison, isolated and incapable of escape until death. [18:23 – 21:47]