How to Re-parent Your Body After Toxic Relationship, Abuse (Clip: Skopje Seminar, May 2025)

Introduction to Body Healing

Healing and recovery often begin with the body—the very first relationship we have from the moment we are born. Yet, many people struggle with accepting their bodies, especially when chronic illness, trauma, or abuse disrupts this fundamental connection. Rather than seeing the body as an enemy, we must learn to regard it as an ally. This blog post explores the core principles of body healing: attention, regulation, and protection, and how embracing these concepts can transform your well-being.

The Importance of Attention: Listening to Your Body

Understanding Bodily Manifestations

Our bodies constantly communicate through sensations, symptoms, and changes. These bodily manifestations are messages that deserve attention. To heal effectively, you must develop a practice of tuning in, empathizing with yourself, and monitoring your body over time. This longitudinal approach allows you to notice patterns and make meaningful connections between your experiences and physical responses.

Self-Empathy: The Foundation of Healing

Empathy is not only for others; it is crucial to extend it inward. Self-empathy helps you become more attuned to your body’s needs and signals. Instead of reacting with frustration or anger, you learn to listen and respond compassionately. This alliance with your body is the first step toward healing and recovery.

Overcoming Body Estrangement

Chronic conditions or trauma can lead to a sense of estrangement from the body—a feeling that your body is a stranger or even an adversary. This phenomenon, known clinically as depersonalization or dissociation, is common in trauma survivors and individuals with psychological disorders. Recognizing this estrangement is key to rebuilding trust and reconnection with your own body.

Regulation: Reclaiming Control Over Your Body

The Need for an Internal Locus of Control

Regulation involves establishing a sense of mastery over your body. It’s about reclaiming the internal locus of control and acknowledging that, although your body may be vulnerable, you hold the power to influence its health and well-being.

Techniques to Foster Body Regulation

Several therapeutic modalities can help in this process. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), for example, uses eye movements to facilitate brain hemisphere synchronization and enhance body awareness. Whether the effects are placebo or neurological, EMDR’s success lies in its ability to reconnect you with your body through imagery and focused attention.

The Parental Relationship with Your Body

Think of your body as a child—dependent, vulnerable, and needing care. Adopting a parental mindset toward your body encourages compassion, discipline, and protection. This approach helps you set healthy boundaries and behavioral parameters, fostering a nurturing relationship that supports recovery.

Protection: Safeguarding Your Body’s Integrity

The Role of Protection in Body Healing

Protection is the third pillar of body alliance. Just as a parent protects their child, you must protect your body from harm, whether physical, emotional, or psychological. This includes avoiding abuse, respecting your body’s limits, and nurturing its health.

Establishing a Hierarchy: Mind as Guardian

In this alliance, the mind serves as the guardian or custodian of the body’s well-being. It is the mind’s responsibility to maintain the body’s health by making conscious decisions that support protection, healing, and resilience.

The Modern Disconnection from the Body

Historical Perspectives on the Body

Historically, the body was central to human identity. Ancient Greece and the Renaissance celebrated the human body as a masterpiece, integral to art, philosophy, and life itself. Leonardo da Vinci’s detailed anatomical studies exemplify this reverence.

The Enlightenment and Body Rejection

The 17th-century Enlightenment shifted focus toward intellect and reason, often at the expense of the body, which was viewed as animalistic and inferior. This mindset was reinforced by religious doctrines that disparaged bodily functions such as sex, labeling them sinful and bestial.

Contemporary Body Neglect

Today, despite gym culture and health trends, most people live largely disembodied lives, spending hours engaged in activities disconnected from bodily experience—video games, online browsing, reading, and watching movies. This disconnection weakens resilience and makes individuals more vulnerable to trauma and external control.

The Power of Re-embodiment

Why Reconnecting with Your Body Matters

Re-embodiment is vital for strength, healing, and empowerment. Your body is your grounding force, your source of power in the face of adversity. Rebuilding your connection with your body restores resilience and helps you face challenges with greater confidence.

Practical Steps to Reconnect

• Mindful Body Awareness: Practice regular body scans or mindfulness meditation focused on physical sensations.
• Movement and Breath: Engage in yoga, tai chi, or gentle exercise to cultivate awareness and regulation.
• Imagery and Visualization: Use imagery techniques to visualize healing and mastery over your body.
• Self-Compassion Practices: Speak kindly to yourself and nurture your body as you would a loved one.

Overcoming Diffuse Anger and Self-Disparagement

The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Body Relationship

Victims of narcissistic abuse often internalize diffuse anger—anger they cannot direct at the abuser. This displaced anger frequently targets the self and the body, leading to self-rejection and self-disparagement.

Moving from Autoplastic Defenses to Self-Compassion

Autoplastic defenses—where the individual turns aggression inward—are unhealthy and impede healing. Cultivating self-compassion and forming a positive alliance with your body helps break this destructive cycle and fosters recovery.

Upcoming Seminar: Deepening the Body Alliance

For those interested in exploring these concepts further, the Vaknin Rangelovska Foundation is hosting a free seminar at the end of May 2026 in Ohrid, a beautiful world heritage city. The seminar will cover narcissistic relationships in depth, progressing from disrupted self-relationships to interpersonal dynamics with intimate partners and children.

Conclusion: Embrace Your Body as an Ally

Healing begins by changing your relationship with your body—from estrangement and anger to alliance and care. Through attentive listening, mindful regulation, and protective guardianship, you can foster a resilient and compassionate connection that supports your recovery and well-being.

By embracing your body as your first and most enduring ally, you reclaim your power and step into a healthier, more embodied life.

FAQ

Q1: What does it mean to form an alliance with your body?
Forming an alliance means treating your body as a trusted partner rather than an adversary. It involves attentive listening, compassionate care, and taking an active role in your body’s healing and protection.

Q2: How can I start paying more attention to my body?
Start by practicing mindfulness and body awareness exercises, such as body scans or gentle movement. Regularly check in with your bodily sensations, emotions, and needs.

Q3: What is body estrangement and how can it be overcome?
Body estrangement is the feeling of disconnection or alienation from your own body, often seen in trauma survivors. Reconnecting involves empathy, regulation techniques, and sometimes therapeutic support like EMDR.

Q4: Why is protection important in body healing?
Protection safeguards your body from further harm and supports its ability to recover. It includes physical safety, emotional boundaries, and nurturing care.

References & Further Reading

• EMDR Therapy and Body Awareness
• Mindfulness and Body Scan Techniques
• Historical Perspectives on Body and Mind
• Narcissistic Abuse and Its Impact on Self-Relation

By prioritizing your body through attention, regulation, and protection, you empower yourself to heal and thrive. Begin your journey today by listening to your body’s voice—it has much to tell you.