Covert Narcissist’s Abuse=Coercive Control?

1. Covert Narcissistic Abuse

• Covert narcissistic abuse differs significantly from overt or grandiose narcissistic abuse, involving passive-aggressive and obstructive behaviors such as sabotaging and undermining others’ efforts and goals [00:00].
• Covert narcissists create complex networks of “flying monkeys” and “suicide bombers” to attack their targets, often sacrificing others without remorse [01:00].
• They fake empathy and present themselves as rescuers or healers but are actually more vicious and psychopathic than overt narcissists [02:00].
• They manipulate through body language, facial expressions, and micro-expressions, often using their physical presence as the main tool since they lack success in intellectual or personality-based supply [09:00].
• The covert narcissist uses punitive avoidance, withdrawal, silent treatment, and reduced affect display to increase abandonment anxiety in their targets [11:30].
• They hide behind facades such as social norms, cultural mores, misinformation, and conspiracy theories to mask their true nature [04:30].

2. Characteristics and Strategies of the Covert Narcissist

• They recruit people via sex, money, flirtation, and pretending to be altruistic or compassionate [03:30].
• Manipulation is often non-verbal and somatic, relying on imitating empathic individuals to build coalitions against the target [08:30].
• The abuse is carried out indirectly—through coalitions or smear campaigns—while they cowardly hide behind these proxies [12:00].

3. Clarification on Coercive Control

• Coercive control is a rare and often misunderstood phenomenon, not typical of all narcissists, and most people practicing it are not narcissists or psychopaths [13:00].
• It primarily occurs in long-term intimate relationships and is distinct from general narcissistic abuse [14:10].
• Coercive control involves terrorizing the victim to the extent of changing their routines and behavior and includes social isolation, restricting victim’s contact with others [15:00].
• The abuser monitors the victim extensively, including digital surveillance, micro-managing behavior, and restricting even basic life activities [17:00].
• It includes denial of basic needs like food and water, rendering the behavior criminal; coercive control is recognized as a criminal offense in some countries [20:40].
• The victim’s life becomes severely constricted, being forced to obey the abuser’s commands or else face punishment, including physical violence and various forms of abuse [22:00].
• Conditioning plays a significant role where the victim becomes automatic in their submission and loses autonomy [24:00].
• Coercive control is premeditated, goal-oriented, and calculated, distinguishing it from narcissistic abuse which may involve delusions shared by both abuser and victim [26:00].
• It is not the result of mental illness like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder but a deliberate strategy used by some psychopaths and others [27:30].
• Victims may mistake coercive control for love or attention, but it is fundamentally abusive and criminal [29:00].

4. Differences Between Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control

• Narcissistic abuse, though severe, stems from unhealthy dynamics of damaged individuals and is often not malevolent or premeditated [30:30].
• Coercive control involves conscious, knowledgeable, and calculated efforts to isolate, punish, and control the victim through comprehensive micro-management and terror [31:30].
• The coercive controller is aware of their actions and their impact and purposefully continues the behavior to maintain power asymmetry [32:00].

This summary encapsulates the main points of discussion from the meeting on covert narcissists, their unique abusive practices, and the concept and execution of coercive control as a distinct and serious form of abuse.