Cheating, Triangulation in Sick Relationships: Power Play, Revenge, Entitlement

1. Introduction and Speaker Background

• The meeting is led by a psychology professor and author specializing in narcissism and narcissistic abuse, discussing cheating and triangulation in relationships, especially in obsessive and narcissistic contexts. [00:00]

2. Definition and Context of Cheating and Triangulation

• Cheating is addressed as extradyadic or extramarital sex, often linked with triangulation, where a third party is involved to manage emotions or power dynamics in a relationship. [02:15]

3. Cheating and Triangulation in Obsessive, Sick Relationships

• These couples are mutually abusive and emotionally dependent, communicating through pain and betrayal to establish power hierarchies. [03:20]
• Cheating is not an exit strategy but a tool to cement the dysfunctional relationship and provoke emotional responses. [05:10]
• Cheating and triangulation serve multiple functions: revenge, restoring power symmetry, catering unmet needs, and reaffirming internalized bad-object beliefs rooted in childhood trauma. [06:45]
• Such couples often view abuse, jealousy, cheating as affirmations of love; they feel alive only through pain. [07:50]
• External partners used in cheating are generally objects or instruments without emotional significance; the primary focus is on the main partner. [14:30]
• Gender role inversion is common, with women becoming sexually predatory and men emotionally dysregulated within these relationships. [17:00]
• Parental abuse and trauma influence these dynamics, leading partners to emulate abusive behaviors in adult relationships. [18:40]

4. Cheating and Triangulation by Narcissists

• Narcissists cheat for complex reasons including seeking narcissistic supply, novelty, asserting superiority and entitlement, control issues, and insecurity about intimacy. [20:30]
• Narcissists maintain a “stable island” in chaos, showing stability in some life areas while being chaotic in others like relationships. [21:45]
• Cheating is a form of rebellion against social norms and an assertion of their special status. [22:50]
• Narcissists use cheating also as a strategy to prevent intimacy, which they fear due to insecure attachment. [23:50]
• They rationalize cheating either as an attempt to improve the relationship or as proof the relationship was already failing. [25:30]

5. Types of Triangulation

• Two main types discussed: breakup triangulation (aimed at ending the relationship) and restorative triangulation (aimed at reviving it). [27:00]
• Triangulation often involves overt cheating or emotional manipulation using a third party. [27:40]
• The use of triangulation is risky and can escalate to dangerous outcomes including sexual assault or relationship dissolution. [29:10]
• Impulsive behavior, poor impulse control, and lack of empathy are common traits in habitual triangulators, often with borderline or psychopathic tendencies. [30:00]

6. Social and Gender Dynamics in Cheating and Triangulation

• Men often misinterpret female behavior due to sexual over-perception bias, leading to aggressive responses. [31:20]
• Social structures, cultural expectations, and unresolved trauma contribute to these harmful dynamics and maintain cycles of abuse. [32:40]

7. Conclusion: Emotional and Relational Outcomes

• These dysfunctional behaviors, including cheating and triangulation, perpetuate cycles of trauma bonding and emotional injury in the primary partnership. [33:50]
• External partners are collateral damage in ongoing abusive power plays. [34:30]
• Despite harm, partners in these relationships often cannot separate due to intertwined trauma and addiction to the dynamics of pain and control. [35:00]

This detailed summary encapsulates the multi-faceted analysis of cheating and triangulation in pathological relationship dynamics, specifically in obsessive and narcissistic relationships, as discussed in the meeting.