3 Reactions to Narcissistic Abuse: Pride, Defiance, Normalizing

Types and Phases of Narcissistic Abuse

• There are two primary types of narcissistic abuse: the first phase involves gradual, incremental, and imperceptible abuse intended to test and ensure unconditional love and commitment, likened to the “boiling frog” metaphor. The second phase, occurring later, is the abrupt and ostentatious devaluation of the maternal figure, which is unpredictable and highly visible. [00:10]

Three Pathological Mindsets of Victims

• Victims of narcissistic abuse typically manifest one of three pathological reactions to cope and survive:

1. Professional Victim

• This victim type integrates their victimhood into their identity, regulating self-esteem through their constant status as a victim.
• They cultivate and sometimes compete over victimhood in a manner resembling a hobby, but deeply rooted in identity and self-worth.
• Such victims may solicit abuse and engage in projective identification to maintain their victim status.
• Many are covert narcissists (e.g., self-styled empaths), possessing a perceived moral or personal superiority, and can be categorized as communal or prosocial narcissists.
• Their victimhood operates as a narcissistic supply to sustain their self-worth. [02:50]

2. Defiant Victim

• These victims respond to abuse with reactive abuse of their own, often escalating into a mutual cycle of torment.
• This dynamic is fueled by trauma bonding, an addiction to intermittent reinforcement rather than true bonding.
• Over time, defiant victims may develop psychopathic or narcissistic traits, mirroring their abusers and becoming abusive themselves. [07:10]

3. Submissive Victim

• Constituting the majority, submissive victims feel trapped emotionally and/or physically and are often unable to leave due to dependency, low self-esteem, or impaired reality testing.
• Submissive victims are subdivided into those who resist internally but remain obedient and subservient, and those who accept their fate unquestioningly, sometimes reframing abuse through “malignant optimism.”
• This group experiences significant anxiety, depression, withdrawal, social isolation, and mental health decline.
• A subset of submissive victims, called autoclastic victims, blame themselves for the abuse. [09:30]

General Observations on Victim Responses

• The three main victim response types include: aggrandizement and display of victimhood; reactive abuse and defiance; and submission with various degrees of acceptance or denial of the abuse.
• The dynamics can involve victims not only suffering abuse but also seeking or provoking it to maintain their psychological state and identity. [14:00]

Reflective Question to Audience

• The presenter concludes by inviting viewers to self-identify with one of the three victim types discussed. [15:20]